The hidden clues in everyday conversations

A few weeks ago, my friend Riya told me about a colleague she barely knew. Let’s call him Arjun.

At first, it was a casual mention: “He helped me with a report today.”

The next week, she brought him up again, this time laughing about a joke he had cracked.

By the third week, she was narrating little details about his coffee habits, his favorite playlists, and his habit of tapping his pen when he was thinking.

I teased her: “You do realize you’re talking about him every time we meet?”

She blushed and said, “Am I? I didn’t even notice.”

What Riya didn’t know is that psychology has a name for this.

Psychologists have long studied something called the mere exposure effect. This is our tendency to develop a preference for people or things simply because we are repeatedly exposed to them. The more you see or hear about someone, the more familiar and therefore likable they seem.

Now combine that with the availability heuristic which says that our brains assume that the things that come easily to mind are the most significant. If someone’s name pops up in your conversations again and again, your mind starts tagging them as special.

What it means when something slips into our conversations

Here’s the part most of us miss: if you’re talking about someone or something, it means your mind has already been holding onto it longer than you realize. By the time it slips into conversation, it’s no longer just a passing thought, it has already taken space in your inner world.

This is powerful. If we stay mindful while we talk, we can notice patterns.

• Do you keep bringing up a certain person?

• Do your conversations circle back to the same kind of frustration?

• Are you constantly mentioning a dream, a hobby, or even a restaurant?

These aren’t random. They’re themes of your life surfacing.

For example, if I notice myself talking again and again about trying a particular restaurant, I can pause and ask: Am I truly hungry? Or is it because I keep hearing others talk about it? That little awareness can help me see whether my desires are internal or just picked up from the environment.

Similarly, if you find yourself frequently mentioning a person, you might realize there’s a deeper feeling forming. Talking becomes a mirror, reflecting what’s already brewing inside you.

How you can use this in daily life

1. In relationships: Bring loved ones into your conversations, not by overdoing it, but by naturally appreciating them. It strengthens your bond and your awareness of what they mean to you.

   Example: A husband casually talking about his wife’s patience while chatting with friends doesn’t just make her look good, it deepens his own gratitude.

   
   

2. In self-growth: Notice what you often mention about yourself “I’m so stressed/ I want to travel/ I wish I had more time.” These are not small comments; they’re signals about what matters. Once you notice the theme, you can work on changing it or channeling it positively.

   
   

3. In goals: The more you talk about your aspirations, the more real they become. Saying “I’m training for a marathon” over and over not only informs others, it tells your own brain, “This is part of my identity now.”

   
   

4. In mindful living: Before acting on an urge, like visiting that restaurant you keep hearing about, pause to ask: Is this really my need, or just an echo of conversations around me? This small step prevents unconscious choices.

   
   

The flip side

This principle works both ways. If you keep complaining about someone, your brain strengthens negative emotions too. The story you repeat becomes the reality you live in.

So notice when you talk about things. If a theme shows up only in negative moods, it might be weighing you down. If it comes alive in lighter moments, it may be something worth nurturing.

Coming back to Riya

A month later, she finally admitted: “I think I like Arjun.”

 I smiled and said, “Your brain figured that out long ago. Your words just helped you notice it.”

Takeaway:

The conversations you have are more than words, they’re clues to what’s shaping your inner world. By paying attention to what (and who) keeps showing up in your speech, and the conditions in which they arise, you can understand yourself better, catch your hidden themes, and choose what to grow closer to.